


Visit Desert Bluffs: The City of Individual Freedom

by ophidianpoet



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-07
Updated: 2013-09-07
Packaged: 2017-12-25 21:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ophidianpoet/pseuds/ophidianpoet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desert Bluffs has a special guest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Visit Desert Bluffs: The City of Individual Freedom

Wake up today. Wake up tomorrow. Keep waking up, until you forgot you ever needed to sleep. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.

We have a visitor today, Desert Bluffs! Our special visitor is all the way from Night Vale, and he’s someone I’ve seen before. Desert Bluffs, do you remember when we had that sandstorm a while back? Well, it was then that I met today’s guest. We didn’t spend much time together, but he was very friendly. His face is like mine, and his eyes, too. Almost. He said his name is *loud radio static*, but that’s a little hard for me to pronounce, so I’ll just call him “my friend”. My friend is a radio professional as well, and I think that’s just grand. We have so much in common already, don’t we? Hm? Don’t we?

…oh, silly me, I forgot: we had to give my friend a little mouth-gag when he first got to our studio. Such an energetic guy! He took one look at our humble recording booth and just wouldn’t stop yelling. Yelling and yelling, tearing the place down with his wildly ecstatic cries. Hahahaha, he’s just so excited to be here. Oh, whoops, looks like you’ve got something in your eye there, my friend. Now just hold still, I’ll get it out…well don’t squirm around so much, it doesn’t make it any easi-…Well Desert Bluffs, looks like my friend has gotten a little tweezer-shy, because he flinched like mad when I tried to get an eyelash out of his eye. Have you ever had anything of yours stuck in your eye, Desert Bluffs? How many times a day do you use your eyes? Call in and let us know, ‘kay? Alright, let’s have a word from our parent company while I get my friend a coffee, and try to make him a little more comfortable.

Life, living, being alive, these things are difficult for some. There’s so much to care for, and look after, and with only 37 hours in a day, how can you be bothered to do it all? StrexCorp has the answer: you can’t. You don’t have to. No one is making you. Just let it all go. All you need to do, is look out for you. Act in your own self-interest, and no one will stop you. The only evil is that which destroys a person’s life. Act to preserve yours, and your conscience will be unblemished. No god could blame you. No jury will condemn you. The quality of your life is the standard to which you must compare all else. StrexCorp: Where you are the only thing that matters.

 

And we’re back! Now, I managed to get my friend to settle down a bit, and he might feel like having a chat. Hey there buddy, how are you feeling? You wanna talk?

"…what do you want from me? Please, I…I don’t want to be here…"

Uh-oh Desert Bluffs, my friend seems very upset. But lucky for him, I know just the thing to cheer him up. Oh, Vanessa? Vanessa, could you lead our guest out to the closest pony petting station, and give him one of the therapy ponies, would you? He’s very agitated.

"Oh, Masters, no. No, not the ponies, not the ponies!”

Goodness, now there’s a man who could use some good old R&R. I hope Vanessa and the pony petting administration can help him unwind. I think I’ll take this opportunity to remind you all that relaxation is part of a healthy lifestyle. Now, I know how much we love, and value, and adore working hard Desert Bluffs, but make sure to schedule some down time in those sleek PDAs StrexCorp issued you upon your birth. If you don’t relax now and again, productivity will fall. If part of a machine suddenly stops being useful, do you know what happens? Of course you do. So now, with a wish for ever-increasing efficiency: here’s today’s weather.


End file.
